her voice sounds cold but in her eyes, there is a warmth. a warmth I haven't seen there for quite a long time. a damn long time to be honest. even then, when we were walking hand in hand ... but that is a different story ...

I don't lie - and you know why, better than anyone else does.

I don't lie and I don't play games. I don't bet eighter. I got rid of those vices a long time ago. It's no fun, as soon as the wager is that high.

so come on, tell me. tell me all this doesn't matter anymore. come on, tell me once again.

... and I trie to follow her demand. I feel my vocal cords vibrating, my tounge moving, but there isn't any sound.

I haven't got any words left. no words for noone. Is that, what he did? did he take my words away?
hey, he can't do that - words, as we all know - produce reality. he took my reality with him.

on the other hand - ey, I've still got a choise, that's the good news!

I've got the choise. and I definitely prefer a fairy-tale to a nightmare.

and that's what I told her: "once upon a time ..."

and I swear, it was no lie.

das faszinierende an schmerz ist, dass es manchmal genügt, ihn ausreichend zu verstärken, um ihn nicht mehr zu spüren. ab einem gewissen maß an schmerz ist die ohnmacht unvermeidbar.

auch mit psychischen schmerzen funktioniert das mit der bewusst-losigkeit. der vorteil gegenüber der physischen ohnmacht ist vor allem der, dass passanten keine notiz davon nehmen (also nicht nur bewusst wegsehen, sondern wirklich keine kenntnis davon erlangen).

diese innere paralyse aufrecht zu erhalten ist meist eine herausforderung.

meist.

manchmal ist jemand aber auch so gnädig und hilft tatkräftig mit.

eigentlich ein großes glück, nicht?